Incompatibility between husband and wife and its remedy


Two thousand years ago, the Varnashram vyawastha (the system of class and the stages of life) was the very backbone of the Indian society. Presently, Hindus have discontinued Dharmaacharan (abiding by the code of conduct as per Vedic Dharma). As a result, the Varnashram system has collapsed and chaos and distress have increased all around. Over the last few years, incidents of mutual discord between husband-wife have gone up and as a result, the overt impact of all this is becoming visible on the progeny. Today the present generation of youth openly mocks at the institution of marriage and has started adopting “live-in” relationships. As such, frivolousness in the society is in the making and several distorted relationships between man and woman are coming to the fore. This includes extra-marital affairs, perceiving a woman to be an object of satiating desires, gang-rapes and violence in marital life, which are the major ones.
Husband and wife are like the two wheels of the institution of marriage. Thus, it is imperative that there is harmony between the two.
A majority of people are aware of the causes of discord between the husband and wife and they are –
Not fulfilling expectations, difference of opinion, not accepting what the other one says because of ego, absence of communication between the two, tensions, distrust, addictions, extra-marital relations, extraordinary change in behaviour due to mental illness et al are some of the reasons behind this. We will briefly take a look at the spiritual causes of discord:

  • The maximum give-and-take is between husband-wife. Thus, Prarabdh(destiny) has a major contribution in the nature of the relationship they share.
  • Unsatiated ancestors devastate the family and for this, they first create bitterness in the relationship and then create differences between them; and after that bring continuity in discord; and finally break their relationship.
  • From 2025, Ram-Rajya is about to set in. For this, in some households Divya Jivatmas (divine embodied souls above the spiritual level of 50%), who are seekers from the higher heavens or Mahalok have taken birth. I have noticed that Maantriks (the most powerful negative energies of the nether world) of the subtle world are giving trouble to these children, by making an attempt to create differences between the husband and wife, so that these children have to suffer mental agony and social ridicule.

If there is discord between the husband-wife, please try to implement the followings :

(a) In Indian culture, the home was considered like a temple, where the householders used to practice Sadhana through Dharmaacharan, even while living the worldly life. The disastrous effects of western culture have degraded the sanskars (good and divine values ) and reduced it to a place of enjoyment. In the absence of education on Dharma, we do not know how to transform a home into a temple. Hence, we must try to increase the sattvikta (purity) of our home. For this, try to implement all the measures pertaining to Vaastu Shuddhi (purification of the premise). We had published about it in our previous issues.
(b) Start doing Sadhana. Appropriate Sadhana in Kaliyug is chanting, so do as much chanting as possible. You can chant while perfoming your daily chores like walking, driving, bathing etc. If you have received a Guru Mantra, chant that. Otherwise chant the name of your family deity, or the deity you venerate. It reduces the intensity of Prarabdh(destiny) and the viewpoint of a Seeker is built, while undergoing the troubles in the household life.
(c) As soon as the discord starts, observe your own defects and ego with full alertness and prevent it from getting manifested.
To reduce your defects, write down your mistakes in a notebook on a daily basis and along with that, what should have been your ideal behaviour in that context should be written ! Also start giving auto suggestion for the ideal change so that when a similar situation starts manifesting itself again your defects and ego don’t manifest. This will gradually provide an orientation to your mind and under adverse circumstances; you will be able to control your emotions.
(d) Cultivate a spirit of sacrifice. A majority of the marriages break up in trying to save the ego. The primary objective of the institution of marriage is that the
husband and wife give priority to each other’s desires and also for bring about mental and spiritual uniformity so as to reduce their ego. Hence, make efforts in that direction without expecting the other partner to do the same. In doing so, seeker-hood will be built within you.

(e) These days, husband and wife behave curtly with one another due to the misbehaviour of their relatives. This too leads to discord. Do not deride each other over some unpleasant incidents that may have happened in the past due to each other’s relatives. Imbibe the virtue of forgiveness and try living in the present. If you cannot own up a few chosen relatives, will you ever be able to experience the spirit of Vasudhaiv Kutumbakam (Whole World is one family?)
(f) Present an ideal before your child. It has been found in a research that children, whose parents fight and create discord in front of them develop mental problems upon growing up. Be ideal parents and be an ideal to your child.
(g) If there is mutual love between the husband and wife, and if there arises discord without any reason, stay alert for two days before and two days after Amavasya (No Moon day) and Poornima (Full Moon day). Pray and chant for 15 minutes with a spiritual emotion that ‘May discord never take place due to the effect of negative energies”. If there is discord because of either of the two, it could also be due to troubles caused by negative energies.
In such a situation, as soon as the environment for discord is created, do Shastr-Yuddh (subtle armed combat). For this, say a prayer to your benevolent deity thus, “O God! The negative energy is trying to create discord between us; may your weapons hurt them and may the black veil on our mind and intellect be removed.” Repeat this prayer time and again.
(h) If a fight takes place, become introvert and search for the symptoms of ego that led to the discord, try to remove it and seek an apology. An egoistic person is not liked by anyone, so how will he/she be dear to God?
(i) If either the husband or wife suffers from mental illness, do not shy away from consulting a psychiatrist; because just as the body can become diseased, similarly the mind too can have disorders and besides, our Sadhana will not be expended on curing the mental illness.
(j) As far as possible, husband-wife should perform Sadhana under the guidance of the same Guru (Master).
(k) Living according to the wish of others is a seeker-ship quality. Thus, husband-wife must accord primacy to each other’s desires and views and must try to fulfil them. Remember, the more the Seeker-hood is created inside us, the more we will remain in bliss and we will be able to receive the flow of God’s grace.

(l) Devote one-fourth time from your household life for Vyashti Sadhana (spiritual practice at an individual level) and Samashti Sadhana (spiritual practice at the societal level) but this should be done with mutual consent and this enables God’s grace.
(m) By offering one-tenth of your earnings to the mission of saints, or to the work of Dharma every month, the severity of spiritual problems in the household life reduces quickly and it becomes easier to reduce the severity of the destiny and the household life is spent blissfully.
(n) A retired householder must try to renounce home, go to an Ashram of the Master and try to offer their services there, or as far as possible, hand over the responsibilities to the children, practice Sadhana and read and imbibe religious scriptures. Remember, sacrificing the attachments is known as Sanyasa (renunciation).
(o) Young couples should serve aged parents/parents-in-law, as it earns their blessings. All couples should remember that one day they will grow old and they too will need to be looked after by someone. If they (aged parents) are disrespected, or disgraced, the fruits of such action will have to be borne in this birth or in the next. Nothing remains unattainable for those, who serve their parents. The sort of behaviour that one shows towards the parents, will be inculcated by their children too.
(p) ‘Dharmen Arthah’, means, earn money through fair means and do not earn money through corruption, or unfair means. Money earned through immoral ways takes us towards destruction and creation of strife is an indicator of destruction.
(q) Inviting guests and offering them non-vegetarian food, serving liquor, dancing to western songs played at full volume late at night… such acts reduce the existence of the sattva component in our homes; and negative energies begin to inhabit the place. Thus, avoid the profane act of hosting modern-style “parties.”

(r) Try out all solutions pertaining to Pitru Dosh (problems caused due to unsatiated ancestors). Information on this topic has been provided in the previous issue of Soham. To read about the topic again in this context and to access information, visit this link: http://tanujathakur.com/?p=1930

(s) If there are differences between the husband and wife, both should regularly do spiritual healing.
Take a bath with salt-water and cow’s urine mixed in 8-10 mugs of water; afterwards take a normal bath.
Put your feet in water along with salt-water and cow’s urine and do chanting for 15 minutes.- Tanuja Thakur



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